Jinxed

Last weekend, we hung out with our friends Brian and Alia. Alia had a little cold and warned me to not get sick. I responded along the lines of "I work at a hospital, so I am pretty immune to things, I wont get sick". This is true and I haven't been sick in a long time. However, Wednesday came and I started to feel sick. By the way, I don't think Alia got me sick since Saku has had a cold for days. So I went to work last night with some sniffles, but nothing dramatic. However, four hours into the shift, I called Troy to make sure that he was working on his final project and informed him that I was feeling so terrible. I had five patients that night and kept running around to make sure everyone was OK. Every time I got up to go to a patient's room, I felt like I was going to either pass out or vomit. My blood pressure was way high for me (a perk of working at the hospital is that we could check it) and I alternated between hot and cold. Finally at 3 am, Troy picked me up from work and I came home four hours early. The whole time, baby girl kept moving around like crazy and I had some achy pains, which worried me. The last thing I want to do is to get the baby stressed out.

None of my co-workers read my blog, but I am so grateful for them. Almost each time, I got up to do something, they offered to do it for me so I could just sit and chart. They remind me to make sure I'm eating and resting enough and baby girl receives plenty of belly rubs.

What would be do without wonderful people around us?? Good thing we don't have to go through this life alone.

Troy let me "sleep" this morning. I put sleep in quotation marks because Saku kept coming to the room every 15 minutes for few hours saying "aiti" "aiti". He loves to check on me. Finally, I got some uninterrupted sleep when the boys went to the park:)

Let's hope Saku won't always feel this way about family scripture study!

Hard to be honest

I'm not talking about not stealing, cheating or lying; I'm talking about truly expressing my thoughts as they are and making an account of my life as it is. I started my second blog as an outlet for my "true" feelings, yet maintaining two blogs is just too much right now and even there I felt like I unconsciously edited things I wanted to say.

It is true that there is a certain satisfaction when people agree and comment on your thoughts. It feels good to be validated. And mostly, I know who my audience is (hah, makes it sound like my blog is somehow popular,which it isn't) and what they think. I can say with 100% sincerity that I don't attempt to portray my life as a picture perfect family life nor do I feel like I have more trials than others. Yet I wish I could really make my blog feel and sound like me. I don't want to offend anyone, yet if you know me and I write something that you don't agree with, I would hope that you would know me well enough to not be offended.

So here is few attempts on more honesty about me and my life.

I need some "Eevi" time. At the moment, I take care of Saku and Troy and the house and when I go to work, I take care of my patients. It is rewarding and so worth it, but I feel burned out.I know that when Troy reads this, he will feel guilty and that is not the purpose of this. He knows all of this, but for two more weeks, he can't help much because he is so swamped with his responsibilities. Because this is all so exhausting, whatever "alone" time I have, I usually end up trying to catch up with sleep. I need some quiet time, few good books and movies, good food and good laughs with friends.

Last few weeks of this pregnancy have been really hard on me. I get lots of pains and aches. I hate to complain to Troy, but it has been tough on me to be hurting. Baby girls moves around well so I am not worried about her. I am also slightly anemic, which adds to my exhaustion. I am not running anymore. Thanksgiving day marked my last 1 mile run and I think I'm done until she comes out.

I am blessed with many wonderful friends, yet at times, I feel alone and lonely. This feeling quickly fades away as I meet up with a friend. In high school, I hung out with my friends every day. During college, I lived with my friends. Nowadays, I don't have a friend who I talked to on daily basis or hang out all the time. I don't know if it is a social pressure that makes me feel like I should have someone like that. I don't aspire to be popular nor need a play date every day, yet sometimes I wonder if people miss hanging out with me.

The other night I was talking to a co-worker about my mom and she asked me what my mom was like. I explained how much mom loved life and how people liked her so much. She quickly responded "just like you". She isn't a close friend and happens to be a very honest and straight forward person. I made me happy to think that I have that quality that I so miss and admired about my mom.

I really like my job, yet I hate how tired I am at the end of the night. The other night a doctor thanked me for all the helped during the day. No offense to any doctors or doctor's wives, but they don't show appreciation too often, so I was impressed and obviously flattered by her saying "Thank you so much for all of your help". I love how I feel after successfully completing a procedure or noticing that something isn't right and getting it fixed. I often feel like I should apologize for the fact that I enjoy my job and working. Some people might think that I have to work and feel bad for me and I have to remind them that I am up all night and day by choice. I can't wait to only work once in a while because my body simply can't take this kind of schedule. Yet I am truly grateful for my education and what it allows me to do. Working has also blessed me with a new group of friends and an opportunity to share the gospel little by little.

As I read my thoughts, it kind of makes me sound sad, which I am not. I am very happy, but I have my struggles.

Do you feel like you are able to honestly portray your life? Do you prefer to just talk about the nice and fun things? Everyone has their own motive for blogging and I'm curious to know what you want your blog to be like.

The Season of Love

I cannot believe that it is December. I love Christmas season. It is my favorite time of the year. I'm sure I've said this before, but my mom made Christmas magical each year so I am trying to do the same in my own home. We already have our Christmas decorations up and this year will be the first year with our own Christmas tree. Since Troy and I firmly believe in real trees over plastic ones, we don't have one yet, but I am excited to go and pick one up and decorate it. It will be interesting see how the tree and decorations will handle Saku's exploring:)

On Sunday we took some family pictures. As cute as my child is, he wouldn't make a good child model since he refuses to smile to the camera 99% time. We probably took close to 100 pictures and only few of them actually turned out. Saku wasn't to be blamed for all the "bad ones". Somehow I have adopted this retarded smile and made bunch of the pictures look stupid.

Mom, dad and the baby girl in the belly. I can't believe she will be here in 8 weeks (give or take).

One somewhat successful family picture.

We have spent the last few days cuddling each other a lot. Saku has a terrible, absolutely painful diaper rash that hurts so badly that poor kid can't sit or even walk well at times. So we have cuddled on the couch as Saku lays on me.

Saku loves hiding behind us as we go "where is Saku?" and then he jumps around to show himself.

This little boy was in heaven as he got to run around for an hour outside. Even the cold weather didn't slow him down.

Saku doesn't smile on command; however, it doesn't mean that he doesn't smile. He loves being silly and playing with us, so some of the best happy faces are when we goofed around.

I love the fact that it is finally cold and I can drink hot chocolate to warm myself up in the mornings. We still haven't turned on the heater. Saku gets the space heater for his room, so his room is nice and cozy. In fact, Troy ended up getting dressed there after his shower because he was so cold. I have noticed that I don't have enough warm clothes for Saku. Does anyone else seem to have this issue with their kids? I forget that the weather does get chilly enough to require warm clothes.

Happy December 1st!