Almost a Panic Attack

I had my big clinical evaluation tests yesterday and I did fine;however, the problem is that fine is never good enough for me. So after 7 hours of evaluation and a nice lunch/dinner afterward, I was feeling OK about the day. I go to bed at 10:30 pm or so and the day starts playing in my mind. I start realizing things that I missed and I just start panicking. I did not fall asleep until 1 am and that was after a phone call to Troy in Florida, who had been sleeping for few hours by this time. So then I wake up around 6 am this morning and immediately start freaking out about the tests again. My heart rate is way above what it should be and I'm feeling nauseous. I'm obviously exhausted since I did not get much sleep the night before or last night but I can't fall back to sleep because I'm so worried about it.

It's not that I failed; however, nursing school has a way of making you feel really dumb when you miss things. So Troy spent half an hour, at 2:30 am his time, convincing me that getting a B is OK. Part of my brain agrees and accepts it and part of it keep screaming "failure". SO yeah, I don't know how good nursing school is for my mentality.

Struggling

So my summer was all planned out with a trip to Finland, internship at the hospital, SF marathon and a few week vacation. Then I got a letter from the hospital few weeks ago and I was reminded again why you shouldn't try to plan everything. I still have my internship so that is good; however, when I interviewed I was told that the internship would end on August 1st, which was perfect since my marathon was on the 3rd. This letter informed me that the last day would be August 10th, which means that I cannot travel to SF to run my marathon and then go on my vacation. It really is not the end of the world, but I had my heart set on running a marathon this summer so I googled marathons in August 2008 and found Park CIty Marathon on August 23rd. Running a marathon is going to be quite the challenge and Park City does not make it any easier with the altitude change and  with the fact that the first 16 miles go uphill. 

I always do my long runs on the weekends, so we drove to Oro Valley and I had mapped out a nice 12 mile course. We went later in the day than we should have so I could really feel the arizona heat. So I started running and at mile 2 I told Troy that I was dying. I just did not feel like myself at all. I knew my form was bad and I wasn't going very fast. This course was uphill for the first 5 or 6 miles so it definitely was not an easy run. I struggled the whole run, I would stop for water breaks about every mile and I just felt like I was not runner at all. And of course, for the first time ever my shorts started chafing my inner thigh. I ended up running 9 miles and then Troy got the car and picked me up. It was a hard run both mentally and physically.

So I'm totally sunburned now and little discouraged but I am determined to run a marathon. I am pretty emotional person and as I watched a clip from a marathon movie earlier today(www.marathonmovie.com), I got all choked up because I know finishing a marathon will be so incredible. I did sprints when I ran track and there is pain involved in the 400 m race; however, that pain goes away in 20 seconds or so.  For a marathon, I will have to push my body for 26 miles and I know it will be hardest physical thing I have ever done (Since I have delivered any babies yet:).

Any words of wisdom or encouragement are welcome:) Is training in the Arizona heat crazy or should I just do it? I know I want to run a marathon, I just need to decide if it's gonna be this summer or in few years...

I'm Back

So I have been very lazy about blogging last weeks. It's not that there was nothing to blog about, but I just had no desire to put in the effort to type my thoughts. I have been tagged like three times so I will start with some of them.

Open the nearest book to page 123 and post the fifth sentence.

From "Into the Wild"

"More and more of the classes he took addressed such pressing social issues as racism and world hunger and inequities in distribution of wealth."

This was a book about 23-year old college graduate from Emory who lived few years on the road and in the nature. It was actually really good and I wanted to see the movie; however, it was of course R rated. 

Hyvää Syntymäpäivää Keiju

Eevi has given me a hard time about never posting on her blog, so I figured there is no better time than her birthday.... even if it is to wish her a happy birthday. Eevi has been a great blessing in my life. In fact my parents were just telling me the other day that Eevi has been good for me. For those of you who have known me for many years, you can understand how true that statement is. Everyday I wake up and look at Eevi and wonder how it is possible that I love her more today than I did the day before. Happy Birthday Eevi-Sofia!!

I know that Eevi likes to have a picture with each post, so I am attaching one of my favorite pictures of her. It is every man's dream to have a super model wife, so here is Eevi's best shot at it. Doesn't she belong on the cover of Vogue!

This is Love

Troy hates needles but he had promised me that I could practice my IV skills on him...ONCE! So here is the happy man after I got done with him. I did not have the connector for the catheter so that is why there is quite a bit of blood. I am proud to say that I did put an IV into a patient last Tuesday and not a drop of blood dripped. It was beautiful. So my IV count is 5 now and 1 blood draw. Oh, the things that get me excited.