Ode to Starla

Sadly enough, this is the only picture of my best friend and my daughter- my beautiful girls

There are friends. Then there are great friends. There are friends that you will have for the rest of your life and then there are friends who become your family. Starla fits into the last category.

Starla came to help me out for five days. I am not going to lie. I was little nervous about her visit. Not because it was her, but I tend to stress out about visitors and my 3-week postpartum body or brain wouldn't have handled extra stress too much. My worrying was so pointless.

One of the first things Starla told me that she was here to help and didn't need to be entertained. And that is exactly what she did. She cooked, baked and cleaned. She held Eerika so I could take longer showers. She would get Saku from his crib in the morning and turn on the TV so I could sleep in little longer and Saku wouldn't try to come and see me. She would get down on the floor and wrestle with Saku while I just sat on the couch and held Eerika.

She made me pump so she could take care of one feeding each night, which meant that I got to sleep 5-6 hours in a row. Oh it was heavenly.

Most importantly, she came here to show her love to me and my kids. It is amazing to feel that someone loves your kids. I don't get to experience this very often since my family is so far away. Starla was firm, yet loving with Saku. She held Eerika for hours and talked to her in loving voice.

She made me feel so good. She let me talk and talk and talk about anything and everything. It felt good to be open about everything and not worry about being judged. We laughed and joked around. We teased each other like we used to do when we lived together. We watched silly reality TV. We ate and we ate a lot. We just played with my kids and it was perfect. Our big adventures were the zoo and Walmart and our girls' night to Target and Michaels.

Having Starla with me gave me a glimpse of what it would be like to have my mom here. I bet my mom is grateful that I have Starla to take care of me when she can't be here.

After her visit, I have increased confidence in my ability to be a good mom and I feel our friendship strengthened. There is a feeling of happiness knowing that she knows more of my kids and can relate to my daily life more.

Thank you for taking care of me. I love you.

Everyone should have their own "Starla".

Beautiful

I have so much to say, yet I can't find the right words. Blogging seems to take too much valuable time and there isn't much "free" time at the moment. I haven't even finished Eerika's birth story because it just doesn't sound right to me. This may sound ridiculous but it was a very powerful event for me and I want it to be right, so one of these days I will actually finish it.

Isn't she just gorgeous?

Saku makes me SO happy or SO mad:) Yesterday was a very happy day. He was excited about going to nursery and he was in a great mood.

One thing I did not miss about newborns was all the song and dance it takes to get them to sleep. There are times when Eerika just falls asleep in my arms. This was the case yesterday during church and today she just fell asleep for both of her morning naps. However, there are times when I feel like I spend way too much time to get her to sleep. The issue of sleep brings anxiety and flashbacks when Saku had a really hard time with sleep. I do not want to be obsessed with it again:)

It makes me appreciate the fact that I can just put Saku in his crib and tell him "good night" and he goes to sleep. Unless he decides to put his leg through the crib slats and then I hear "lisaa aiti(more mom), saku stuck, saku stuck".

Actually having a newborn makes me appreciate Saku's independence in many ways. The fact that he can talk and tell me what's wrong. The fact that we can sort of reason with me.

How do you get your little babies to fall asleep?

Eerika Ann Grossarth

Our beautiful daughter got a name and a blessing today.

We decided to name her after our moms. Eerika is after my mom's middle name, which is Erika and Ann is Troy's mom's middle name.

The blessing was beautiful and touching. Troy's mom made a beautiful blessing dress for her with matching booties.

The day was relaxing and we got to spend it with family and close friends.

We feel very blessed.

We love you, Eerika.

Soul Searching

Sometimes your best qualities and your strengths can be your weaknesses. I work hard. I want to succeed in life. I want to be strong and capable. I want to be independent and take care of my house and family. I want to create beauty around me and feel beautiful. I want to feel physically strong and spiritually enriched.

Yet sometimes I don't know when to take a break or give myself a break. Sometimes I want to be too many things at the same time. And sometimes I just can't do it all.

Ironically, about a week after baby girl was born, I decided that I wanted get my house organized. I wanted to finally have a house where people could stop by at a minute's notice and I wouldn't have to worry about giving them an excuse for the mess in my kitchen or living room. I wanted to have a menu for the month so I didn't have to brainstorm about dinner each day.

I have been shopping with coupons for a year or so now and saved a great amount of money. And there seem to be so many good deals right now.

I am anxious to start working out again. Yes, I want to lose the 15 extra pounds that are sitting on my hips, waist and butt, but more so, I want to sweat and work hard to work off some of the stress of having two little children. I want to feel in charge of my own body and appreciate it.

I want to hold my baby girl so she can feel my love for her while showing Saku that he is still just as important to me as he was three weeks ago. I want to have meaningful interactions with my children rather than just surviving through the day. I pray that I can be patient with Saku and learn to how to balance love and discipline.

I want to look put together when Troy comes home. I want to be cheerful and happy so he is excited to come home to me and the kids. I want to cook meals that provided enjoyment and not just something to shove into your mouth.

My kitchen and bathrooms are looking great. But there are trains and cars on my living room floor and most days, my bed doesn't get made until 3 pm. I ran a mile on Tuesday. It was so slow that I wasn't out of breath or didn't sweat, but I ran a mile. I haven't worn make up for days, but I won't be wearing PJs when Troy gets home tonight. It is only 1 pm, but I haven't lost my temper or gotten frustrated when Saku whines or baby girl doesn't want to fall asleep. I will make a grocery run because I just can't pass up almost free food, but I won't worry about every good deal.

I probably won't be winning the woman of the year contest, but I am doing my best.

And fortunately, I am blessed with amazing people around me. People who call me to ask if they could bring us a dinner or if they could take Saku for a day. Instead of just doing the usual "is there anything I can do for you", they just do something for us. I am humbled, grateful and so appreciative that I have friends who are looking out for us.

And most importantly, I have Troy. He picks me up when I fall down. He holds the baby so I can get an extra hour or two of sleep. He lets me cry when I need a good cry. He grabs my butt and tells me I'm beautiful even when I have rolls where they don't belong.

So maybe not a woman of the year, but greatly blessed woman.

Why It's All Worth It

Two kids is a lot more work than one kid. A 19-month old and a newborn is A LOT of work. When your first child is Saku, life is very hectic:) Overall, I feel like the transition has been smooth and most days, I feel like we are doing really well. And then you have that moment when your baby doesn't fall asleep and your toddler is screaming/whining/throwing a temper tantrum and you wonder whether you should laugh/cry/scream or runaway. Fortunately, these moments pass by pretty quickly.

Here is what eating a fancy pre-Valentine's Day dinner looked like tonight. Rocking a baby with one hand because the swing doesn't have batteries and holding the other child while we are sad about something very important. Thanks to Troy's mom, we had an amazing File Mignon with cheese potatoes and asparagus.

Baby girl wore a fancy dress to church today. Thanks to Lili And Kat, she will be fashionable for the next few months.

She was a lot happier when she was snuggling next to me.

Grandma is officially her favorite person to snuggle with and sleep with.

Saku enjoyed playing in the garage while grandpa and isi finished the attic storage space.

Saku loves taking "bubbles". He also likes "tooting" in the water because of the bubbles that appear.

He looks so innocent and happy here.

I took baby girl to her 2 week check up and she had gained a pound in the last week and a half. She weights 9 lbs and 2 oz and weights a pound more than Saku did at 2 weeks. The doctor commented that my milk must be like ice cream.

I better go to bed. Tomorrow is a start of the "get rid off the flab" project. Saku pointed at my belly the other day and said "yuck". If that doesn't get me motivated to stop eating and start moving, I'm not sure what will:) Let's hope he will learn to be more sensitive or he might be in big trouble with girls.

Second Time Around

Life has been very busy since the arrival of our baby girl. One of the main reasons is the fact that I feel like I am sitting on the couch and nursing her most of the day. Saku finally got better and started to react to the fact that his place as the center of attention has been challenged.

Today was a rough day for him. He didn't take his usual morning nap before we left to go to church. After the first hour of nursery, his teachers brought him to Troy and said that he was having a "terrible day". He just kept crying and crying. He asked for milk and juice and of course, we didn't have either one of them with us. He was so out of control that Troy ended up driving to Safeway to buy some chocolate milk to calm the child down. I have to emphasize how out of control he was because we don't give in to demands or shop on Sundays, but we didn't want to disrupt the whole church nor did we feel like we should just go home in the middle of the meetings. Needless to say, he went to bed around six thirty and I was happy to get a little breather.

I had been recovering from the birth without any problems and actually contemplated on going for a jog/run last Thursday. However, that evening I started to have severe pelvic pain and I could barely walk or get up. It felt like I was in labor all over again. Fortunately, the severe pain went away, but I wonder if I pulled some kind of muscle or ligament. This makes things little more difficult because I can't carry Saku around or lift him too much. So now I have to be a good girl and wait until my doctor's appointment before I will start exercising.

We took few pictures of our precious baby girl. She is a very even tempered child. It is a great balance for our family. She really only cries when she is hungry and she likes to eat a lot. She sleeps about 3 hours in a row at night, so on most nights I am up twice. Last few nights, she has wanted to just hang out for an hour or so around 3 am. We have let her sleep in our bed because she likes to snuggle. Today Troy had been trying to get her to fall asleep for an hour while I took a nap. As soon as he brought her to me and she cuddled up next to me, she fell asleep.

She has long feet and long fingers.

Being a first time mom was so special and I am grateful for all the time and attention and love that I had been able to give to Saku when he was our one and only. However, I think I enjoy being a mom of a newborn more this time around. I don't worry about things that I worried with him. I always felt that his behavior was a reflection of my abilities as a mother. Having a second child who is very different from my first one shows to me that these little babies come to this earth with their own personality.

I do wonder how I will able to balance the needs of these two little children. If anyone has any suggestions or words of wisdom, I would love to hear them.

In case you were in need of some sweetness

I have not been this content and happy for a long time. Life just seems to be so right at the moment. I don't have words to describe my gratitude and joy as a mother of these two beautiful children.

Doesn't this picture scream pure love and joy.

She got some good cheeks and beautiful alert eyes.

I know I am biased, but she is a beautiful little girl.

Baby girl loves to snuggle. As long as someone is holding her or cuddling her, she is happy to sleep all day long and most of the night.

Saku finally wanted to hold her today and gave her kisses. Most of the time, he still seems to think that life would be OK without her:)

Is this how our baby girl will feel under her brother's tender care??

Saku demanded to wear a beanie after his evening bath. He seems like a giant to me and keeps amazing us how much he learns every day.