It is Tuesday night. The house is quiet at 8:12 pm. Troy is at scouts as usual. I have some kitchen cleaning and laundry folding to do, but it can wait for few minutes.
Tonight I feel peace in my heart. It is not because today was a perfect day, though today was a very good day. I listened to a podcast interview of Virginia Hinckley Pearce on the Mormon Channel and while it was not anything remarkable, the following comment from her stuck in my head. She said that as a new mom she thought that hard work would fix everything and she struggled. She had a colicky baby and nothing helped her baby. She had more children and she realized that hard work doesnt fix everything and just because you work hard doesn't mean that things are going to be great. She did not mean this in a negative way. She just meant that sometimes you work so hard and sometimes you just barely survive and keep your kids alive and that is enough.
Fortunately I am not in a stage with my kids where we are barely surviving. On most of our days we are thriving and loving life. But I loved her comment because it reminded me that sometimes life is just life. It doesnt have to be scrapbook worthy moments day in and day out. Sometimes you just live. You love your family and that is enough. And you can be truly happy with a life that isn't all scrapbook and blog worthy.
In the past few weeks I feel like I have spoken with women who truly embrace their role as a mother, while being realistic, and it has strengthened my testimony of motherhood and its divine purpose. I am grateful for them. It reminds me that while it is important for me to take time for myself, I will have plenty of time for myself later in my life.
Tonight Saku got very upset because I "cleaned" up the toys outside after my requests for them to clean them up were in vain. He was crying, which is very loud crying, for a good 10 to 15 minutes. While he carried on, Eerika and I showered and got ready for bed. Once Eerika was in her PJs, I asked her to go and get book and read it while I made Saku feel better. He still cried for his toys, but he let me hold him and get him in the bath tub and through the miraculous power of distraction the crying ended. After a bath, we all cuddled in his bed and I told them two stories and sang songs as Saku fell asleep. Eerika was awake as I put her in her crib. My heart was so full of love for her little face.
As I held my children, who are not babies anymore, in my arms. I was grateful that I had the patience to deal with a tired and obnoxious child. And I had an inspiration that reminded me that while I am a mother and that is what I do most of my time, my children don't define me. Their bad or good actions are not just because of me. They are who they are. I influence and teach them a lot, but it is not all me. When you spend most of your time taking care of these kids and you give so much of yourself to them, it can be easy to take each one of their failures personally and feel like I am not good enough. I am not saying that I am perfect but I am a good mom who loves her kids and that is enough.
As I held my children, who are not babies anymore, in my arms. I was grateful that I had the patience to deal with a tired and obnoxious child. And I had an inspiration that reminded me that while I am a mother and that is what I do most of my time, my children don't define me. Their bad or good actions are not just because of me. They are who they are. I influence and teach them a lot, but it is not all me. When you spend most of your time taking care of these kids and you give so much of yourself to them, it can be easy to take each one of their failures personally and feel like I am not good enough. I am not saying that I am perfect but I am a good mom who loves her kids and that is enough.
