Banned by Dad

There are things that you don't want your child to experience or try. One of the big "offenders" for Troy is headbands with big flowers. Oh how he dislikes them. If you love them, do not be offended by this. While I don't share this dislike for them, I don't find them very practical and therefore, Eerika doesn't get to wear them very often.

This morning she did wear one for long enough to take few cute pictures.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love this little girl?

The cutest "i'm about to cry" face. Troy will be in trouble when she uses this against him when she is older.

We are very much of an equal opportunity family so Saku got to have a pretty flower in his hair and surprise Troy when he woke up.

Tonight we enjoyed a date night to Cheesecake Factory and I currently look like I'm 5 months pregnant again. Fortunately, I won't look like this in the morning and I can sleep on my belly:) Both of the kids were asleep when we got home. Life sure is good.

Turning Point

On Friday I told Troy "wasn't this week so much easier with two kids" and he agreed with me. I don't want to jinx myself but I think I reached the point where I feel like I am myself again and I have some sort of control of my life again. We went to the temple yesterday and as I sat in the celestial room, I had this feeling of pure joy and happiness as I thought of my little family.

Eerika is two months today. I have loved her from the moment that I held her for the first time, but this last week, I really just fell in love with her. I had this moment when I realized that I have a daughter and it made me so happy. That might sound crazy because obviously I knew that I had a daughter all this time, but it just hit me that I get to do so many "mom and daughter" things with her. How I hope I can teach her the things that she needs to know because this world can be so hard on girls and women.

She is a very alert and social baby. She loves to get her diaper changed because she is closer to my face when she is laying on the changing table. She smiles and makes cute little sounds. We often have little conversations together. She such a sweetheart. She can cry when she needs to be heard, but we really don't hear her cry very much.

We figured out that she likes to be left alone when she goes to sleep. So I swaddle her, put a pacifier in her mouth and put her in the bassinet and she falls asleep on her own. Part of me is little sad about not holding her to sleep or rocking her, but it makes life so much easier that she doesn't need me there except to put the pacifier back in her mouth if it falls off before she falls asleep.

She still wakes up to eat twice a night on most nights, but she is a quick eater and usually is back to sleep within 15 minutes. Am I ready for only one feeding? Yes, but I am grateful for the 4 hours that I get to sleep in a row.

Her reflux is a lot better and I almost wonder if she wouldn't even need to medication. I'm interested to see how much she weights when we go in to see her doctor on Tuesday.

This is her favorite way to be held. She loves to see your face and check out her surroundings.

I find Eerika to be beautiful. I always thought that Saku was so cute, but I just think that she is beautiful. She doesn't mind strangers holding her and happily smiles to everyone. She isn't a fan of cuddling, but she does like to sleep on our chest every once a while.

There is some debate whether her hair has a tint of red in it. I guess only time will tell. Troy is not a huge fan of red hair on girls; however, he told me that if her hair is red, he will convince her that red hair is the most beautiful thing in the world. I thought it was so loving for him to want his daughter to have a good self-esteem.

When Eerika was little younger, I thought that she looked like my sister Anna. I don't have a baby picture of her, but I found some pictures of myself and Aino who is six years younger than me. Now I'm thinking that Eerika might look a little more like Aino as a baby.

So photogenic! I had just to share this picture because it is a great example of a "bad school picture"

Troy thinks I look the same that I did when I was 7:)

How about the fact that Aino's ears as a baby were bigger than mine as a 7 year old. If you look at Saku and Eerika's ears, they inherited my tiny ears.

And just for the heck of it, all of the siblings together. We were all born within six years and I have no idea how my mom survived those years when everyone was so young. However, my siblings have been such a blessing that I am grateful for my mom's ability and willingness to have kids so close together.

Butterfly Boy

Dear Saku,

You are 21 months old today. You are in such fun age right now. You are full of energy and learning things all the time. I know it frustrates you at times that you don't have all of my attention.

We have started to do more puzzles and drawing together. You mostly still enjoy unwrapping the crayons and biting them into pieces, so our art time doesn't last too long. However, you are really good at puzzles and enjoy doing them. I have to brag about you a little and tell you that you have mastered a puzzle that is for ages 3 years and up.

While you do get frustrated when I am not available for you when you want and "need" me, you love your sister. When she is napping, you like to run to the closet where she sleeps and check on her. When she cries, you excitedly yell "baby baby" and point towards the cry. If I ask you if you want to come and get her with me, you sprint towards her bassinet. Eerika seems to prefer your pacifiers over hers and you have been really good about sharing with her. You have also offered her some popcorn when she was crying.

We have started to go to a story time at the local library each week. I was worried that you wouldn't stay next to me and would be disruptive but you have done really well. You enjoy the songs and the books, but haven't really started to sing along. Each week we do a little craft, which really means that I do the craft while you want to put glue on everything. Last week's butterfly hat was a hit. And you haven't even torn it to pieces yet, which is a huge success.

You love books, but you have lately started to tear them apart and tell me "book rikki(broken)". You love animals so we read many books about them. You can name all the common animals and today you surprised me by naming the dragonfly. Some of the names you say in Finnish and some of them in English.

You are talking a lot. I would say that you use more Finnish than English, but you respond to both languages equally. You still use the languages together in sentences. You have started to count "yksi, kaksi, viisi kuusi". I guess three and four aren't that important.

We still let you have your tutti. You are only supposed to have it when you are sleeping or something really upsetting happens. Sometimes you find one and put it in your mouth. You are good about giving it to us when we ask for it.

The other day I told you to go and get two books so we could read while I checked on Eerika. When I came back to the living room you were sitting in the basket where we keep the books.

You are obsessed with your trains. You would play them all day long if I let you. However, they also frustrate you so I have to make sure we only play with them for a while before you start throwing them around.

I have to admit that I have "locked you out" few times while putting Eerika down for a nap. The other day, you spread all the Sunday newspapers on our patio and decided to check out the comics.

Lately you think it's funny to run away when I tell you to do something so we have done many time outs. I know you are just so full of life and don't mean to be naughty, so disciplining you is hard. I have lost my temper with you more lately since I am more exhausted and I hope you won't remember them. I promise that I will try harder to be calm even when you do things that you aren't supposed to.

We have started practicing prayers together and you like to sing songs and dance.

You really are a big boy now. Today we went to the park, just you and I, and it was so nice to just play with you and laugh with you. I think we will make a habit of doing little dates together so we can get our special time together.

Rakastan sua,

äiti

A Letter to Eerika

My sweet daughter

You are six weeks old today. It has gone by so quickly. I wonder if I will feel this way for all of your life. Most of our days go by so quickly and you really aren't interested in more than eating, sleeping and some cuddle time. I am your mother so I am biased but I think you are so beautiful and I think you will become a cute little girl and one day, you will be a stunning woman.

I have been holding and carrying you quite a bit in the last six weeks. Isi likes to put you in the sling and you tend to fall asleep there. I wear you in a wrap so you are right next to my body. You enjoy sleeping next to us. You are sweet but when you get your feelings hurt, you let us know. This is good because you will need to be loud to be noticed when you have Saku as your brother. You absolutely hate your car seat. You scream the entire time you are in it unless you fall asleep, which has only happened once.

You are already strong physically. You have been holding your head up for weeks. When I put you down your tummy, you push hard on your legs to move forward.

There are nights when you really struggle with your reflux and I just want to cry because I am tired, but more so, because I hate to see you in pain and uncomfortable. It leaves me feeling helpless. Most of the nights, you sleep three to four hours in a row and I don't feel too wiped out. However, when you have a hard time with the reflux, you can stay up for an hour or two and that takes all of my energy out.

I can't wait to get to know your personality.

I love you,

äiti

It's not all cloudy and stormy in my house

Few moments that have made my life a happy place lately

*Yesterday Saku woke up from his nap while Eerika was still asleep. I carried him to the kitchen and grabbed some fruit snacks, which we ate while we cuddled on the couch.

*While I was pumping, Saku took the suction cup and put it on his belly and said "Saku tissi (Saku's boob"). He might have also taken a little sip of the breast milk and said Yum, Yum. Troy found this disturbing but I think he has breast milk phobia.

*Saku plays with his alphabet bath letters and points to "H" and says "horsie" and to "S" and says "Saku."

*Watching Eerika make a sucking motion with her lips as she slept in my arms while I read Hunger Games and doing the "i'm falling asleep" smile that only little babies do.

*Saku running towards the garage each day as we hear the garage door open and Troy gets home and squealing "isi"

*Saku's way of playing hide and seek. We say "Is Saku is his room (or bathroom, kitchen etc)? " He replies "Ei (no") from his hiding place. He better work on his strategy.

*Eerika's little smiles and "giggles" when you talk to her.

*Today's unplanned play date with Camille and Bethany. The kids played and I got to eat a delicious salad while chatting with the girls. Camille has such a positive attitude, so her company helped me to have a better attitude as well.

*Yesterday's play date with Jamie. Saku is always in heaven when we go over there and barely whines or acts out.He and Bryson were doing silly things to make each other crack up. It was such a beautiful moment to see my child interact with another child in such a happy way. I told Jamie "there isn't anything more beautiful than happy children".

*Reading a friend's blog post about her struggles with small kids. I happened to read it early Tuesday morning. Monday night, I had said to Troy how everything else seems to deal with multiple kids so well and I just seem to not be able to figure it out. My friend was struggling and her honesty helped me to validate my feelings. I am not happy that she is having a hard time; however, it is so good to know that you aren't alone.

*Running two miles at 9:30/mile pace. It's not a record breaking speed, but it means that my body is getting stronger and faster.

The little sweet moments between the two assure me that having a sibling so close together will be a huge blessing for both of them.

"Saku, don't touch that headband"

"I just have to check it out"

"It still looks so tempting"

"Just a little stretch"

check out that guilty look on his face as he is streching the headband

Saku is a master kisser. He gives beautiful, closed mouth kisses and gives them so willingly. He even tilts his head at times as if he was giving a romantic kiss.

Saku is hiding inside my shirt-No I am not checking out myself

"Peek-A-Boo!!"

Saku loves riding on our backs. I think both of our faces say more than words could.

Being a mother of two is so different from being a mother of one. I think I have realized that motherhood isn't supposed to be easy. If it was easy, men could be mothers. All joking aside, I think Heavenly Father meant it to be difficult so we could really learn about ourselves, learn to really love and sacrifice and learn to support each other as family and friends. Also I realized that I am just in the beginning of my journey as a mother. There is always so much hype about the baby stage, but it is such a short part of my children's lives. I will get to be their mother for all eternity.

I am not bragging or anything, but I have not lost my temper once yesterday or today. You know how that is possible, I have said so many little prayers throughout the day and kept all the frustrated words inside my head.

I am not doing this motherhood thing by myself. It is such a relief.

No Time for Make Up-even when you are "modeling"

This seems to the case in my life right now. Let's be honest; I never have been a big user of make up but most days I used to put on some mascara and foundation.

Since Eerika's birth, Sundays seem to be the only days when I get "prettied up". Ironically this was the case the day after Eerika's birth when the manager of the postpartum unit came to my room and asked if I would be willing to let photographer take pictures of us for their new marketing campaign for the women's services.

I said "sure" and then I was informed that the photographer would be there in 5 minutes. So I am wearing the hospital gown, which is appropriate. However, I hadn't brushed my hair or teeth yet and didn't have any make up on. So I quickly went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and braided my hair and hoped that I didn't stink:)

However, I am grateful for the pictures since we barely took any pictures at the hospital. I spent most of my time there by myself since Troy was at home taking care of Saku. Troy did leave the camera with me but accidentally took the memory card with him.

These are pictures of our first and last modeling experience.

One wonderful thing about being a mom is that my kids want to snuggle, play and love me no matter how I look. This will change, but for now, I can enjoy the days of wearing sweats, ponytails and chap stick being my beauty secret.

Roller Coaster of Emotions

I am sure that I felt like this after Saku was born so I am hoping that this wont last. I am talking about the roller coaster of emotions. I honestly feel bad for Troy for the fact that I am so up and down with my emotions. I don't quite feel like myself.

Within 24 hours (from 4 am to 4 am)

I felt

Scared as Eerika started to choke while she was still asleep next to me. Now we have a prescription for some medicine that hopefully will help

Terrified as I thought of how I could ever cope if something would happen to her ( it is never good to think about these kind of things in the middle of the night)

Frustrated as she woke up and was wide awake at 4 am

Grateful that Troy decided to get up and put her to sleep

Loved as Saku happened to come to bed with me and he wanted to hold my hand as we fell asleep

Accomplished after I made phone calls about Eerika's reflux and my hospital bill-I hate making "official" phone calls

In awe of how beautiful my daughter is as she would look into my eyes when she nursed

Bored since we haven't gotten out of the house very much this week

Content after I self-invited myself over to a friend's house and chatted with other moms for an hour while Saku played happily

Mentally exhausted when Troy came home around 5:30 pm

Like a mental wreck by 6 pm for no apparent reason

Well taken care of as Troy takes both kids with him to get us some dinner

Guilty as I felt relieved that I had a moment for myself

Relaxed as I read Hunger Games on the couch for an hour while the house was quiet

Re-charged when Troy and kids come home and I tell Troy that I'm ready to be a mom again

Happy as I read books to Saku and sang songs to him at bedtime

Helpless as Eerika cried because she barely cries, but when she does, nothing seems to help. I am hoping that the medication will solve this.

Worried about the possibility that maybe my emotions weren't normal and I should get checked for postpartum depression (again, not a good idea to evaluate your emotional stability in the middle of the night)

Beyond excited as I woke up 4 am and realized that Eerika had been sleeping since 10sh without waking up

How are you feeling today??

March-The Month to Celebrate Motherhood

Today I had to admit that having two little kids is kicking my butt.

Troy happened to call home when both of the kids were sleeping and then Eerika woke up after she had only slept for 30 minutes. I felt frustrated that my "alone" time was interrupted-not by Troy but by Eerika waking up.

So I went to get her and I nursed her and she fell asleep in my arms. Then the thought came to my head "if this(holding Eerika so she sleeps) the hardest thing I have to deal with right now, I am pretty lucky."

My kids need me for most of everything at the moment. They demand a lot of me physically and emotionally.

But there will be a time when they won't need me as much. There won't be a time when they don't want all of my kisses and hugs. There will be a time when I can't fix their problem or stop their tears with my love or chocolate milk.

So for the month of March, I will blog about motherhood. I will blog about the happy moments, the hard moments, the lessons I've learned, the good mom and bad mom moments.

During the month of March, I will celebrate and embrace my role as a mother. I hope this will remind me each day that I am blessed to be a mother.