Dear Saku

Dear Saku

It is 1:40 pm on a Tuesday afternoon and you are taking a nap. I should be running but I decided to write down some of my thoughts. If I would have to use one word to describe what it feels to be your mom, I would have to use the word exhausting. Right now, you take every bit of my energy as I try to teach you, discipline you, love you and play with you. I am not complaining because I know that the blessing of your presence in my life is tenfold bigger than any sacrifice that I will make for you. But right now, it is not easy. I think there is a saying about battles of minds; well in our house, it is a full blown warfare. You are so intelligent. You are so determined. You are so sweet. And so crazy. You go from 0 to 180 in seconds. You amaze me every day with the things that you say and learn. Your imagination is amazing. Just last night, you were chasing dragons with isi in our backyard. You have a great love for books and you remember little details about them. You love to sing, so we often spend our car rides singing. I think your favorite song right now is "I am a Child of God" and I am glad to hear those words over and over again during the day. And lately, you have learned to focus and started coloring. You are intense and sensitive. You truly are one of a kind.

Last night, around 3 am, you came to our room. You asked from some juice and I told you that I would give you some water. I was expecting a (loud) protest from you, but you silently drank a sip of water and I took you back to bed. We couldn't find your tutti in the darkness, so I just told you to close your eyes while I sang a song for you. Again, I expected you to freak out because you love love love your tutti. BUt you didnt. So there I sat in the darkness as you drifted back to sleep and I soaked in every second of the peaceful moment.

Last Saturday we went on a äiti-Saku date. It was so nice to spend one-on-one time with you. As we drove away from the park, you spontaneously told me "Saku on iloinen" (Saku is happy). I was happy, too.

You like making faces

This is your sad face.

This is your oval face.

And of course, the happy face.

Please know that when I get frustrated with you, many times I am actually more frustrated with myself. I am trying to figure out how to teach you to listen to me more. I am trying to figure out the balance between activities and just good old play by yourself. I am trying to pick my battles and be consistent. I try to show more love and patience. I pray to know how to handle things with you.

Thank you for your sweet love. Thank you for "fixing" your hot wheel car because you thought it would make me happy. Thank you for your little apologies even when we have to apologize for the same thing over and over again.

I hope you know that I will love you unconditionally for all eternity.

Love,

äiti