Dear Eerika,

I think I missed an update on your life as you turned 10 months. I have been too busy (or lazy) to blog much lately. I would like to think that I have been more engaged in your life and thus I have spent less time sitting in front of the computer and writing down what you are doing.

You are doing a lot of things. You are growing up so fast. I have to be honest. When you were a newborn, I was kind of looking forward to you getting bigger and little more independent because it was hard having a newborn and a 19 month old. But now, I don't want you to keep growing so fast. I want you to stay as this silly, excited little being who learns so much all the time.

You are an independent little girl. When Saku is asleep, I try to play with you one-on-one. However, you love do your own thing. You wander around the house. You pick up toys. You drop them down. You climb on the treadmill. You try to get to the toilets. And you make lots of noise as you do this. You like to babble,but more so, you just make funny noises. You check-in with me every once a while, but you are content on your own. However, when I am not around, you can act quite differently. There is something magical about me that brings the best out of you and maybe that is why you just like to be with me and not anyone else.

You have had a rough time with sleeping and I think we should blame your top two teeth that came through and the two other ones that are still working their way through. They seem so big in your mouth, but they make your smile look quite adorable.

You are still nursing. I thought we would be done by now, but due to the teething and interrupted nighttime sleep, we are still nursing. I am fine with it. You are fine with it, so we will see what happens in the next month. Isi does not enjoy feeding you because you are so messy. I don't mind it, though, I do have to sweep the kitchen floor three or four times a day.

You are playful. You enjoy putting your tutti into my mouth when I hold you before naps and bedtime. And you are so ticklish when I give you kisses on your neck. I love these times with you. You play with cars and make "car sounds", but you also love to take care of your doll. When I make crying sounds, you walk to your doll and pick her up and snuggle her. You are very loving.

You have learned two signs in the past week. You sign for "more" and "all done". However, when you really want something, you just make lots of demanding noises.

You have enough hair that I can put clip-on bows in your hair. You don't really notice them so you don't rip them off like you did with the headbands.

Your cry is so loud. Fortunately, you do not cry much. But sometimes I do shut my bedroom door when it is time for you to sleep little longer and I don't want to hear your cry. One day you will understand and you don't cry longer than five minutes or so.

You are a walker. You might crawl every once in a while, but you have mastered walking. And more impressively, you have an amazing ability to squad down and get up.

Eerika, you might think that watching you grow as a second child isn't as exciting as watching Saku learn new things. It is not true. I am completely amazed and mesmerized by you. I think you are the most beautiful thing in the world. You bring such a great balance into our family and I will always be grateful that you are my daughter.

Love,

äiti

Silent Morning

This morning I woke up on my own (rather than to the noise of my children). Saku has made his way to our bed at some point so his leg was on top of my stomach. Both Saku and Troy were snoring. I snuck out of bed. Turned the Christmas tree lights on and sat quietly to check my emails.

I am so full of joy this morning. The three amazing, sleeping people make my life so full of happiness.

I love Christmas season and I love the fact that I am sharing the excitement of CHristmas with Saku. We sing Christmas songs all day long. I am grateful for Eerika who walks around all day long and when she seems me, she either reaches out her little hands for me or tries to speed walk away (if it is a diaper change time). I am grateful that I get to share the excitement of parenting with Troy. When it comes to parenting, shared joy really exponentially increases the joy you feel.

I am grateful for Troy. Another year is about to be over and as I look at our life together, I know we are stronger and more united as a couple. I know we aren't perfect but I know we will work hard to make each other happy.

I am grateful for our health. We have had our share of snotty noises and cough, but overall, we are healthy. I still can't believe that last year during this time, Eerika was still in my belly. I am grateful for the ability to have children and have my body recover after it. I am grateful for running and working out and the rush of happiness that it gives me.

I am grateful that I know and believe in the true meaning of Christmas. I love telling Saku the story of baby Jesus and singing songs about Him. I am more aware of my Savior's love during this time. And as I have had my own babies, the idea of a baby Jesus coming to this world and becoming the Savior of all mankind is truly remarkable as is the image of Mary, the mother of Jesus, giving birth to Him in a stable.

I am a strong woman

You know what I love about life: when you do something that is quite ordinary but it makes you feel extraordinary.

Camille was so kind to let me borrow her double jogger so I could see if I like running while pushing a big stroller and two kids. I would hate to pay a lot of money for a big, heavy double stroller and not end up using it.

So yesterday, I bundled up the kids and we headed for our first run together. Saku is used to being pushed while I run but I have only done three or four runs with Eerika. She doesn't like being strapped down so I was nervous how it would end up.

Both of the kids were great. When we had about 1/4 mile to go, Eerika started to protest so I just sprinted home as fast as I could. I only ran two miles and I would almost say that I felt the work out more in my arms than my legs. My pace was pretty good with an 8:50 pace for the first mile and an 8:20 for the second one. Since the stroller is so heavy, it almost pulls you along. I sounded like a freight train as I huffed and puffed but the two, short miles gave me a good work out.

I am not being sarcastic when I say that I am thrilled about the prospects of pushing these kids while running. They look adorable as they check out the scenery in front of them and I will be stronger. And then those solo runs will be so much more appreciated and I will be that much faster when I am not pushing an extra 70 pounds.

Earlier that day, we had braved the weather and spent some time in the park with Haley. Saku pretty much whined the whole time, but the girls had a great time. I am starting to think that listening to a toddler/child whine could be considered as a form of torture and punishment.

I love the fact that these two have been friends for their whole lives. Obviously their understanding of friendship is limited, but Saku has been so excited to go on the runs on Trevor and Haley's stroller. And Haley happily exclaimed "he is two, too" after she asked me how old Saku was.

Grateful for Tomorrow

Last week could be characterized by great days and crappy nights. The kids have been sick and sleeping terribly! And while I am grateful that they aren't that sick, the lingering snotty noses and coughs drive me crazy.

Today I fasted for the first time in months and the low blood sugar in addition to the lack of sleep made me a cranky woman. I feel bad for the kids and Troy. I am not proud of myself for the snappy comments and short temper, but I am grateful that I apologize easily. That sounds like I am patting myself on the back, but I do realize that I wasn't that kind today. I wasn't patient. They all deserved better than how I treated them. And I apologized for it.

I'm glad tomorrow is another day and I can start all over again.

Few pictures of my darling kids- I promise I will be better version of myself tomorrow!

Exhibit 1: I had to snap a picture of Eerika as I put her in the exersaucer and vacuumed. This picture makes her look like a little calm angel who just sits there and watches the world go around.

Saku got a chance to go up on our attic and he had a blast with isi.

Exhibit 2: this is not a girl who just sits calmly and chills. She goes 100 miles an hour walking around our house. Makes all this noise. Pulls her socks and shoes off. Eats dirt and rocks. And I love it.

Security System Needed to Inform if Someone is Leaving the House

For a while, we would lock Saku's door at bedtime so we wouldn't have to deal with the "out of bed, back to bed, out of bed" circus. Yes it is shocking (not) that Saku is not a child who just goes to sleep without a beep. He didn't like the fact that we locked the door, but he got used to it. He would go and check the door and when he found it locked, he would go back to bed.

After our trip to Finland, Saku freaked out when we closed his door and had a complete melt down with the locked door. "Don't lock the door" and "Äiti/isi locked the door" were phrases that he cried as if we had cut out of his arm. After a two week separation, we were suckers and couldn't listen to him cry like that.

So for night after night, we have played the "how to get Saku to stay in his room" game.

One night, he came out of his room as we were laying in bed and had turned off our lights in hopes that he would go back to bed when he found the house completely dark. He came to our bedroom door, peaked in and walked away. The next thing, we see a light coming into our room and as I opened our door, Saku was standing in front of the freezer and checking out "the menu".

Monday morning, we woke up to Saku's talking as he was using a serving fork to eat some double chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. And last night, he was playing with the dishwasher in the dark.

While writing this, Saku went to the garage. He knows how to open the lock and the dead bolt. Opened Troy's car door. Climbed in. Pushed the garage door opener. As the garage door was opening, Troy promptly ran there to stop his next move.

As my wise friend Camry said today, Saku just thinks a lot. He figures out ways to do things. So while, few months ago we locked his door so we could get some time to ourselves, now I'm thinking that we need to lock it for his safety. And while, I don't love our neighborhood and would probably feel little safer if we had a security system, I really am feeling that it would more wisely used to know that Saku hasn't figured out a way to get out of the house.

We bought chain locks for our doors to keep our little man in the house.

So when I look back to this time in my life, this is why I feel like I am so busy all the time. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I know he will accomplish some amazing things.

My Weekend

The kids and Troy left Friday morning. For the first half an hour, I kept rushing around the house to do things and then I realized that I didn't have to do that. I would have 48 hours to myself.

And then I promptly grabbed the newest John Grisham novel and parked myself on the couch for the next 45 minutes.

Friday was my "get stuff done" day. And I did get a lot of stuff done. I climbed up to our attic space and got Christmas decorations out. Kitchen cabinets and refrigerator got scrubbed and organized. Our rooms got cleaned and papers were organized. I had Thanksgiving leftovers for lunch and pannukakku for dinner with a bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.

I watched Sarah's Key. I watched the entire movie while I sat on the couch. I always, and I mean always, multitask when I watch TV shows or movies. So for once, I just sat there and watched it. It was a great movie. No, I take it back. I didn't just watch it. I painted my nails-fingers and toes. As I went to bed, I texted Troy that I missed him but I was beyond excited about the uninterrupted sleep ahead of me.

Saturday started as I woke up at 9:20 after 11 hours of sleep. Then I proceeded to read in bed. I have slept in at times when Troy takes care of the kids, but this was guiltless sleeping. I spent few hours of doing something that I can't even remember and then I left for my day out.

I got dressed up in my skinny jeans, boots, and a new hat. I had my fake Coach bag that only had things that I needed. I got to drive while listening to my music.

I went to Bookman's and scored books for the kids, checked out Buffalo Exchange and came home with a new dress and found two more books and a toy for Eerika at Little Traders. Yes, I hit up all the thrift stores and I loved all the things I found and how little I spent. It was so effortless to just walk around and look at things.

Then I ate lunch at Beyond Bread as I read my book and enjoyed my sandwich and a cookie. I was able to take all the time I wanted and needed.

I dropped off donations at DI.

I stopped to buy a new lipstick that looks awesome on me.

All these stops that were so easy because I just had to get out and lock the car and walk away.

And then the highlight of the weekend, I watched Justin Bieber-Never Say Never. It was pretty much the only thing that redbox had that wasn't R rated, but I am not gonna lie, it was entertaining to watch while I wrapped Christmas presents and finished cleaning the house.

Troy doesn't enjoy blog posts that are pretty much just details of what happened. However, this was my weekend and I want to remember what I did and how relaxed and happy I was. I wasn't any happier because I was on my own, but I feel so re-energized. I can't wait to see the kids and Troy in 20 minutes or so.

Thank you Troy for this amazing opportunity to take time for myself. This is the best gift that I could get. I feel like million bucks.

Most of all though, I am beyond happy that I have my little family.

My big girl

Dear Eerika

10 months ago, you were this tiny little baby girl. We loved you, but we didn't know that much about you.

And now

you are

fearless,

witty,

strong,

beautiful,

fast crawler,

messy eater

and

so ticklish.

You can

stand up on your own

and take steps, but you aren't in a hurry to do it.

You love climbing

on couches, playgrounds and the dishwasher.

You enjoy

taking books out of the self and throwing them on the floor.

You have charmed

Saku and he gets excited about playing with you.

And you don't mind how crazy and wild it can get with him.

You have learned

to clap and wave goodbye.

You say

mama and "dada" and you giggle as you do it.

Thanks to Halloween,

we know that you like lollipops.

I can't believe that you are old enough to wear these sweet pink Converse shoes.

But I am loving this stage of life with you.