Burn out and Excitement

I have been training for my marathon for 13 weeks. As I do not run on Sundays and I ran six days a week on most weeks, this means that I have run 72 out the last 91 days.  Since the official training cycle started on the first week of March, I have run 430 miles. 

I have loved the training. It has been amazing to notice the changes in my body and the strength, speed and endurance that I have gained throughout the weeks. There have been work outs that have left me completely exhausted. On one occasion, I mentally broke down as a combination of heat, being unprepared and trying to run fast 13 miles got to me. But after few hours, I forget about it and I just have this amazing feeling of satisfaction of doing something hard.

While I have been a runner for years, it would be sporadic. The summer months would come, school would get really crazy, working nights and having a baby or something else would interrupt my regular running patterns. 

I have never run this much in my life. 

Yet this week, I did not want to run. Or I should say that I didn't want to train. I was mentally exhausted to think of the 40 miles that I would be running. I didn't want to try to hit the 8:30 paces while climbing the hills of my neighborhood. 

But I did it. I was grumpy before I would leave for my runs and then I would be happy when I got back. 

Hello New Mizuno Wave Elixir 7. 

Feeling fabulous after a 13 miler! 

These pink babies have carried me through 600+ miles. 

This grumpy feeling reminds of me of being pregnant at 38+ weeks.  I know I only had few weeks to go before the baby came, but each morning, when I woke up and I was still pregnant, I would get grumpy. I would get over it pretty quickly on most days, but I was mentally burned out of pregnancy.

Good thing I am not carrying this weight around me for 26.2 miles!

I think some of the training compares to pregnancy and having a baby. You put so much energy into training or growing a baby. Your body changes. You need more sleep. You need to eat more. You need the support of so many people and many people share in your excitement.  Then there is the actual labor can be described as difficult, life altering and so worth it. While I have not done my marathon yet,  I have a feeling that I will be feeling some of those very same emotions of relief, huge accomplishment and gratitude  as I cross the finish line.

One week to go!

Enjoying My Life

If I could bottle up an emotion and take a little sip of it each day when I'm feeling down, I would bottle up this moment.

I just finished a hard speed work out on the treadmill. I am soaked with sweat. I am taking a bite of home made bread while my kids are asleep. I am so content. 

This morning when my alarm went off at 05:45, I didnt want to run because I knew that the work out was going to be hard. So I ended up cuddling Eerika while Troy tried to catch few more minutes of sleep. 

*Eerika woke up so I didn't  get a chance to finish the post. If that doesn't fit the reality of life, I dont know what does. 


We took some pictures on Mother's Day. I think they perfectly show how motherhood is and can be.
The background for the pictures is my beautiful Marimekko comforter that I got from Troy for my birthday. Some Finnish style into our home. 

I cant remember why he was crying, but he looks cute. And let's be honest, motherhood is full of moments of tears. Most of the time it is the kids, but every once in awhile I get a good cry in as well. 

There is always a treasure up in someone's nose.

Sharing my Mother's Day lollypop. I didnt mind since I ate most of the chocolate myself. 

Eerika has the cutest little ponytail that sticks right up. And I love the way she is looking at Saku. 

I think my face captures the joy of being a mother. 

My life is not idyllic, but I am very content. Am I in pure bliss all the time? Ask Troy. He will say no. Or maybe he would say "yes" because he would be afraid to say "no". I feel like I have grown and evolved into a person that I like. At least I like myself on most days.

You know what I do when I need motivation to go and run hard. I hop on my bathtub and take a look at my legs in the mirror. They are strong and fit, and I know they will take me places. I don't need to envy the legs of some model. I might envy their breasts or skin (really, why do I still have to battle with pimples), but that is another story.

I am baking and cooking meals that are delicious. I am trying out new things; baking home made bread, making salad dressings. These are things that I was too afraid to try few years ago. I am testing cloth diapers on Eerika. Her bum looks adorable in that huge cloth diaper.

I am surrounded by wonderful people. I am still in the "making friends stage" with our new ward, but there are already people who genuinely look out for me and my family and friendship are growing. I am still blessed with the friendships that have carried me through the last years.

Honestly, I am very tired on most days because of my early morning runs. My hair is somewhat of a mess on most days. I need a hair cut so badly. Saku seems to be naked about every other hour and I need to remind him that we wear clothes.  Eerika bites Saku multiple times a day and I haven't figured out a discipline method that works for her. I sweep my kitchen floor four times a day and there are always crumbs there. It doesn't make sense. Troy is working with the young men and he is gone more often than before.

My life is not perfect, but I am loving it. 

My Girl

While Troy and Saku enjoyed a fun night of camping few weeks ago, I tried to do something special with Eerika while it was just the two of us. We have never spent this much time by ourselves. 

Eerika is super laid back and independent, so I could have gotten away with doing my own thing while she did her own thing. However, I felt like I should embrace the opportunity to spend time with my girl. 

On Saturday morning, Eerika was kind enough to accompany me on a run. She had her pacifier, bottle of milk and cheerios to entertain as we ran 4 miles together. (I ended up doing another 9 miles on the treadmill-5 before she woke up and another 4 after she took her morning nap).

As we ate breakfast, we read books for an hour. It was awesome. I could tell that she loved the one-on-one attention that she got. 

We also did some special things with her hair. OK, I don't really know how to do special things with hair-my own or anyone else's. But I think she looked so darling with little ponytails. 

When Time Stood Still

Today was a slow day. The time from 1 pm to 6 pm crawled. It wasn't a bad day. I wasn't in a bad mood, but I kept looking at the clock. 

Ironically, the morning went by quickly. I slept in close to seven o'clock and heard Eerika crying. Eerika and I played for an hour or so until Saku decided to wake up to the world. And he woke up in a happy mood. This can be a rare thing. He is usually sad/cranky only for few minutes, but still, I treasure the mornings when he is all smiles.

We were invited to a friend's house at 9 am, so after some scrambled eggs and a quick bath for the kids while I got myself ready, we headed over to see Ethan and April. And we had a great time. It was nice to hang out with a new friend, yet not feel the fact (insert: awkwardness) that she is a new friend. Saku and Ethan played without one episode of whining or crying. It was magical. Eerika got pushed around as usual by the boys, but she took it pretty well. 

I promise that I will find a little girl friend for you, my sweet girl.

We had early lunch because Eerika was ready for her nap. She fell asleep instantly and I hoped that Saku had done the same. He was quiet in his room for good half hour. I envisioned all the things that I could do as the kids would sleep for few hours. 

As soon as I took the steam mop out and started working on the floor, I hear Saku coming out of his room. He did go back and play by himself for a bit, but once he knew that I wasn't enforcing his isolation in his room, he came out quickly.

It was fine with me. BUT then he went to get a car from the room where Eerika was sleeping and he woke her up at 1 pm. And she never fell asleep.

So I had two very tired kids in my hands all afternoon. Troy witnessed this as we facetimed and both kids were crying with all their might. He felt bad. I appreciated his concern for my mental sanity. Fortunately, I was okay with the whole deal. 

Saku watched half of a movie. Eerika and I danced. We played outside. We went for a walk. We played with toys. We ate dinner. We read books. And I put both kids to bed at 6:15 pm. 

Eerika is out. I can still hear Saku in his room. 

Now if the time would stand still for the rest of the night so I could enjoy this early bed time:)

So I Won't Forget

After Eerika woke up from her nap, I brought her to the bathroom where Saku was taking a bath at 4 pm. And I said "what do you say to Eerika?". I just wanted him to say hi to her. Saku proceeded "hello my beautiful sister"

This morning Saku announced that Eerika could next to him during breakfast because "she is my best friend".

Troy is out of town for few days. Last night Saku was heart broken over isi's absence. He kept asking me "how can we get him home?" between sad sobs. He finally decided that we should get a jet and bring him home. Yes isi, you are much love by your son. 

Randomly at the park, Saku happily says to me "I'm so glad to see you".


This one is from Alia while Saku was playing with Cameron. Saku informs Cameron "the game of life is to run away from Eerika"

Social or Not

I think I am a social person. I have been blessed with a great friends throughout my life. On most days of the week, we have some sort of social interaction-whether it is planned as a play date or we happen to make new friends at the park. Just yesterday at the park, we met a new family and we exchanged phone numbers. And I really think that we will hang out and I am excited to get to know more people in the neighborhood that aren't connected to us through church. 

Yet, as I attended my ACLS (advanced care life support) recertification last saturday, I brought my Runner's World and a novel with me.  I wanted to eat my lunch by myself while flipping through the magazine. Could I have made some small talk and chatted with people? Yes I could have.

BUT I do not enjoy that. If I am almost certain that we will never meet again, I am not that interested of talking to you. Does that make me a bad person? Do you know how often I get to spend a 30 minute period of just eating and reading something? Not very often.  In the same way, I don't really care about starting a conversation with a stranger on the plane. 

So I feel like I am social but not. I am not an introvert, yet I don't think I am a super extrovert either. How do you feel about these sort of forced social interactions?

First camping trip of the summer

We had a fun of camping in Madera Canyon. The surroundings weren't that beautiful, but we had a great time. Especially after the sun went down and it cooled down.  The kids loved playing in the dirt and eating outside. 

Troy and I were freezing during the night. We did not bring enough blankets and while the kids were warm enough, I was up a lot to try to warm up or put more blankets on the kids as they would wiggle and push their blankets away. We probably slept only few hours. We happened to go camping after I had run my first 15 miler and I have to say that sleeping on the ground didn't make me feel any worse. Plus it was nice to enjoy smores without feeling any guilt. 

Saku enjoying a rock as a chair. 

Enjoying delicious burgers for dinner. 

This was part of my breakfast on Saturday morning. 

Boys were happy as they ate their breakfast burritos. 

Eerika was happy with marshmallows

Yes, very happy. 

Saku laughs when you make silly faces and gestures and Eerika just looks at you with a "what are you doing" expression

We went a very short hike in the morning. Is there anything more precious than a dad holding his daughters hand? I think not. 

I think we will be doing a lot more camping this summer. In fact, Troy and Saku are on a father-son camp out with Brian and Cameron as we speak. Eerika and I are spending the night alone-well with the good company of Alia and Jackson while the boys are enjoying some male bonding.

Yesterday Saku was cheering "we are going camping-no girls" with a loud, cheerful voice and today he told me that "it was too dangerous for me" to go with them.