This October brings many exciting events. It is Saku's first Halloween, the weather will start to cool off again and Saku is becoming more and more of a little person with his own distinctive personality. October also forces me to start making some decision about what to do about getting a job.
Yes, most likely I will start working full-time in February as an RN. It is not because we need or want the extra money and it is not because I don't like being a stay-at-home mom. Obviously extra money is wonderful, but we decided a long time ago that we would live in a way that Troy's paycheck would be enough for our family. And I absolutely love being home with Saku. Some days are hard, but I cannot get enough of my little boy.
So why am I considering going to work? I know it is an almost controversial topic among the mormon moms to not stay home. I know people will judge me; even some of my close friends will. This obviously makes things ever more difficult for me.
In an ideal world, I would work one shift a week or one shift every other week as a nurse and stay home with my children for the rest of the time. I believe that I will be a better mom because I would get to balance my ambitions outside of home and my love for my family. It would give me a break from my daily routines and I feel like I would appreciate the simple blessings of watching my children grow as I would get to do something for myself for few hours a week. Unfortunately, no one will let me work only once a week as a new nurse, because I am not trained well enough. This means that I have to work a year to get the experience to be able to work only here and there.
I have mixed emotions about this. I am worried that I will not even get job offers. I am worried that it will be too much to work full-time and be the type of mom that I want to be. I am worried that I will miss important milestones in Saku's life. I am worried that if I do not go to work, I will be too out of practice to be a good nurse in 20 years when my kids don't need me as much. I am worried that if I wouldn't go to work, I would regret or resent that decision later on.
Fortunately, Troy is supportive of my decision either way. I would try to work on weekends, so Troy would get to play mommy while I was at work or while I was sleeping(if I would work the night shift). This would give him a chance to spend more time with Saku. I am grateful for personal revelation and the assurance that Heavenly Father will help us make the right decision for our family.
Don't you just want to kiss him all over?
I love Saku's blue eyes. He is already charming women with them. Also he enjoys chewing on the elephant's trunk while it vibrates.
On a sidenote, you know your baby has sleeping issues when you sneak into his room during a long hour nap to make sure he's still alive:) And he slept unswaddled.
7 comments:
I feel the same way. I am glad I got some experience before I had Lizzy. I even worked part time with Lizzy out of the home and part time in the home and that was crazy. I felt pulled in too many directions. I think it would have been easier if I had just put her in child care while I was at work instead of trying to be both the stay at home mom and the work mom. My advice to you is to get as much help as you can even if you have to pay for it (get your groceries delivered, maybe even housecleaning) because the time you do have you will want to spend with your husband and children.
Good luck and if you need any help let me know, btw I like playing games with you as well
I love reading your posts. I was talking to Starla about it the other day---I love how real you are and that you express it. I think a lot of people are afraid to express it because they're afraid of what people will think. So way to be YOU! And good luck with your decision making! It's hard to be torn by two good things. Saku is a lucky little guy to have you for his mommy :)
I love what you said about personal revelation. With big decisions like this, it's so nice to know there is help from someone who knows so much more than we do. Don't worry about what you decide or what your friends will think. We love you and know you are an amazing person. You will make the right decision even if it's different from what other people would do.
It was the hardest thing for me to go to work after having Lowe. The working nights were worse than the days...but it makes me appreciate him more and want to be such a better wife and mother when I am home. You'll love how excited he'll get when he sees you walk through the door after a 12 hour shift or how he just wants to cuddle with you when you get your hands on him. It'll be hard no doubt but like I keep telling myself; full time is (hopefully) only for a year.
Good luck with making this difficult decision. It is hard no matter which you decide- some people think I'm crazy for not working since my husband is still in school. So either way people will have their opinions and you just have to try not to care what they think.
And the checking to see if your baby's alive because he's taken a nap for a whole hour- I definitely know how that goes. :)
Well just so you know we are all here to help you whatever your decision is. I am happy to help watch Saku if you end up working week days and Troy cant cover or something :)
I don't know if this still weighs heavily on your mind, but as I was falling back asleep last night I was thinking of you. First I was thinking that I need to get my black thread back from Matthias's friend in our complex, and then I was thinking how weird it is that I was in Senior Design with this friend, and how now I'm a stay-at-home-mom. That must seem so strange. However, I was lucky enough to be able to have 2 years of good engineering experience working at m3, so when we graduated and had Oliver, my education served its full purpose: I now have some security if anything were to ever happen to Matthias. Then I thought of you and how hard it must be to leave Saku, but how important it is to have something to fall back on just in case, and that's why even with my experience I stuck it through to graduation no matter how much I didn't want to.
You've got the education, but these days experience is very important, especially in nursing. It's hard, but Heavenly Father knew that when he sent you Saku right after graduation.
I hope you don't mind me sharing my middle of the night thoughts. :)
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