Do you ever just fall in love again with your husband or feel this immeasurable feeling of gratitude for a friend that you've had for years?
This is how I feel lately.
I have been so grateful for the people around me who believe in ME. They look at me and they believe that I can do things that I am trying to do. They encourage me to try new things, reassure me that I am doing well at the things that I am doing and empathize with me when things go wrong.
In the past five + years, I have never doubted that Troy was the man that I needed to live the happiest life possible. Yet lately, I just look at him and I am filled with joy. This man is so good at supporting and believing in me. I have started running a lot lately and he keeps pushing me to run faster and longer. I think "I can't do this", he tells me to just try the pace and I actually run that fast. I love completing my work outs and reporting back to him. He gives me the "I told you so" but in this case, I can't be but happy that he is able to tell me that.
During my last week's shift, I made a mistake. It didn't harm the patient. The doctor didn't even care about it, BUT I made a mistake and it was making me feel really crappy. I started to wonder if I should even work. I wondered if I was competent enough. I started to worry if my co-workers take me seriously since I only work twice a month. So I called Starla. I knew that she would understand why I was feeling this way. And she did. She listened to me, let me vent and didn't belittle my feelings. She made me feel better and instilled confidence in my skills. Just like I knew she would.
If there is one place where Saku is pretty much guaranteed to be happy, it is at Cameron's house. He loves Cameron's toys and swimming and Cameron. Yet, there were about 10 minutes last Tuesday when both of my kids were crying. And I mean, full on crying and yelling as I was carrying them back inside from the swimming pool. Poor Eerika hadn't taken a nap all morning and was exhausted. Saku was upset about a toy that he just couldn't have. While I really was not that upset at the situation, no one wants to leave a play date with two screaming children. There is always a little piece of you that wonders "what do the other moms think of me and my kids?" Later that evening, I got an email from Alia saying that she thought that I handled the situation so well. Thanks to Alia for that. Moms can never get enough "job well done" since our job takes so much out of us and never really stops.
Because of these people and many more, I have more confidence in myself. There will be slow days of training, cranky patients and long hours, tempter tantrums and too many chores with no enough sleep and the list goes on and on. But I am grateful that I have so many things going on in my life and people who keep me going when I think about giving up or taking a break.
2 comments:
i liked reading this post because i am going through the same thing. i am having major growing pains since i am trying something new. part of me wants to give up and take the easy route instead but i am thankful for a husband that makes me feel better about myself and has confidence i will do better next time. i just need to look back sometimes at both of our lives and say look how far we have come and keep progressing even if theres some hardships!
Love you.
7 days.
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