Bravery

In order to be a parent, you need to brave. There are many things that make you scared or nervous when it comes to parenting.

It starts with the labor and delivery of the baby. I love the process of giving birth. But it makes me nervous. How much is it going to hurt? How long will it take? How does a baby come out of something so small?!! But you do it and it changes your life.

Then you have the baby and you are scared out of your mind that something bad will happen to your precious baby. You are worried about leaving the house because you don't want your baby to freak out while you are out and about and maybe you can't console the baby. You are worried that you will never feel normal after months of sleep deprivation. You will worry that your body will always look a bunch of jello was attached to your abdomen. But somehow you survive those newborn months.

Then you child becomes a toddler. You worry that you will be too harsh on your child. Or maybe you aren't firm enough. You worry when to take away the bottle/pacifier/blanket. You worry that people will think that you aren't a capable parent after your kid screams in a public place. You wonder when to potty train and what method to use. I am still in this stage but I know that eventually we will find a solution to these earth shattering issues or we won't and our kids will grow up and be OK.

One day, I will worry about grades, their friends, driving,boyfriends/girlfriends, broken hearts, drinking and drugs, college, and the list goes on, and I will probably wish that my biggest concern was little sleep deprivation.

However, the amazing thing about children is that they surprise you with their ability to do things.

Today we had a "are we brave enough" moment as we got dressed for church and debated whether we should have Saku go to church with a diaper or without one. We didn't want to confuse him and put on a diaper since he hasn't worn one for days, but did I want to have a "Cameron stepped on my poop" moment in our new ward. No, I didn't. However, we put on our brave parent faces and Saku went to church without a diaper. And he did amazingly well. No accidents at all. ALL DAY.

So next time, I wonder if Saku or Eerika can do something challenging, I will be brave so I can help them to be brave.

So I won't Forget

After my dad arrived on Thursday, he made a comment on how much Saku talks. Yes, he does talk a ton. I wanted to write down few of the funny phrases that we have heard lately.

We were at a story time and reading a book about animals moving. The story time lady started reading a page about animals crawling and she asked "who crawls?". Saku answered "Eerika crawls". The story time lady looked little puzzled until I clarified that Saku has just informed her that his little sister crawls. (This happened 3 months ago)

Saku is a sleep talker. He must have inherited that skill from me. This morning, he sort of yells out "I want more books". Another night "I want to take a shower".

He likes to negotiate. He usually shows me two fingers and tells me "five more minutes". He also has picked up the phrase "in a second" so he has started to tell me that he is going to do something "in a second".

If we go away (as in he was left with someone), he tells us "you were too far away. I couldn't reach you." or "I lost you".

Cameron came to play with us and the boys were in the backyard. Saku has been potty training because he doesn't really want a diaper anymore. So we let him be without one and if we are outside, he just wears just pants. So the boys are playing and suddenly we hear "äiti, Cameron stepped on my poop". Alia and I looked at each other and ask "did he say poop" and sure enough, he had pooped, it fell out of his pant leg and landed on the patio and Cameron stepped on it. AWESOME! (We had struggled about pooping in the potty, but since the "stepping on the poop" incident, we have had successful poops in the potty).

After I had showered one day, I was about to get dressed and Saku was next to me and he looks at me with great concentration and then says "äiti, your tissi (boob) looks good". He was so serious. Troy and I about died laughing.

Best of Friends

So Isi is the king of the house in Saku's opinion. During Troy's Christmas vacation, Saku wanted isi and only isi. I wasn't good enough for him when he was sad or it was time to go to bed. Why would I be, I only gave birth to him? OK, I really am not bitter at all about it. There was a time when he only wanted me and I told Troy that there would be a time when he would be Saku's hero. Well the time has come. Saku loves loves loves his isi. However, he is considerate enough that he doesn't let isi be his only best friend.

This is a debate that Saku and I had yesterday

Saku: "you are my best friend"
Me: "You are my best friend"
Saku: "No, you are my best friend"
And we did that five more times.

Saku spontaneously runs to Eerika and exclaims "Eerika, you are my best friend" and gives her a hug.

Tonight after Ukki arrived, they were both very silly and hyper from the excitement and ran (Saku) and walked fast (Eerika) around the house while singing and squealing. It was little loud, but it sure made me happy to have them play together.

This is why having kids so close in age is so rewarding and worth it, even when I go to bed at 10 pm every night because I am way too tired to stay up any later.

Simplify

Simplify is my theme for this year.

I want to concentrate on the important things.

I don't want just to do good things; I want to make time for the best things.

As part of the moving process, I decided to clean out my closet and got rid of half of the clothes I owned. I only kept things I really liked. From now on, I will buy fewer clothes that are better quality and can be worn in many ways. I will try to be more classy.

Yesterday I decided to delete blogs from my google reader. Since I "found" the world of blogs, I followed blogs of friends and strangers that entertained me and kept me informed on people's lives. I want to focus more on my own life and family. I deleted about 20 blogs. It feels good.

I am trying to stay home more. Last year, we were busy with multiple play dates a week. Some weeks, we were "on the go" every day. It was good and I feel very blessed to have many great friends. However, I want to concentrate more on the simplicity of spending time with my kids and showing Eerika and Saku that they can be each other's friends.

As I decorate and organize our new home, I am trying to keep things uncluttered. It is a complete mess right now and it will be a work in process for a while. I won't have the money to buy everything that I want right now, but I am happy with the simple fact that I am living in a house that I love and in a neighborhood that makes me smile each time I go outside.

I will read more books and watch less TV. This will not be that hard since I cant seem to find anything that really captures my attention. I notice that reading a good book leaves me always refreshed while the idea of watching TV sounds good, but never makes me feel great.

I will only focus on only few things this year. I want to run, feel close to the Spirit and provide a happy atmosphere for my family.

I will make time for people and relationships rather than things.

I even thought of deleting my facebook account but I don't think I can do it. Baby steps, right?

Running Around

After working last night and the morning shower, I wore a long sleeve t-shirt and yoga pants all day long. No make up and barely brushed my hair. But I did brush my teeth. I honestly love days like this (except for the fact that I slept only 2 hrs in the last 24 hrs). Since I only work twice a month, I forget how much it hurts my body to be so tired after a night shift.

Last night's shift officially kicked my butt. I have not worked that hard for so long. Nothing like an overdose,suspected heart attack, gunshot wounds and a young guy with cancer to give you perspective and keep you on your toes through the shift.

In the evening, Heather came over and we ran 3 miles around the neighborhood. We attacked some hills and enjoyed some girl time. There is no way I would have run by myself so it was great to have Heather join me. I really love running. And I do not love the fact that we could hear Eerka's crying three houses away from ours as we left and she missed me. According to Troy, she stood by the front door for 15 minutes and cried for me. So sad for the little girl. I hope it is just a phase.

First Day of the Year

I am so excited! This is the perfect year and opportunity for new resolutions. 

• We moved into our new house this week in Sycamore Canyon in Corona de Tucson (Vail).
• Eevi will now have more hills and running trails than she could have dreamed of. 
• Today was the first time in our new ward. 
• I will complete my first year at Rincon Research Corp. after five great years at Raytheon.
• Eerika will turn one year old.
• Saku will soon graduate to being a "big boy," we hope.

I have never really been one to set new year resolutions, but with all of the major changes that are happening to our family, it is hard to not get the feeling that our life is starting from a new slate. It is actually quite refreshing.

Saku and Eerika starting the new year just right... getting breakfast.

Dear Saku,

You are 2.5 years old. How is that possible? Though I am constantly reminded about the fact that you are two and we are experiencing the "terrible twos". One thing is constant about you; the highs are so high and the lows are low. There is no gray area when it comes to being Saku or being your parent.

You are a talker. You talk all the time and you speak very clearly. Mostly you speak in English.

You are very thoughtful. There are times when you randomly tell me that "'äiti, you look beautiful" or tell Eerika "you are cute" and you constantly ask us "how are you feeling".

And you ask "but WHY" about 1000000 times a day.

You are a dream child when we go to other people's houses. You play well and barely fight. BUT when people come over to our house, you gets so excited that you throw toys and act like a crazy man. I am sure that this will pass but it makes play dates little stressful.

We are working on using more words and less whining. Some days are great and some days really try to patience.

You are demanding that you need to go to the doctor so you can feel better. Somehow I think you would change your mind if I actually took you there.

You love it when isi comes home. You sprint towards him and give him the biggest hug. He is sort of your favorite right now. ANd I am ok with it. He is a pretty good man.

You like to watch Super Why and Curious George. More so, you like to pretend to be Super Why. And you love books. It makes me so happy that you enjoy books just as much or even more than watching TV.

You keep telling us that you "need presents". I guess we got little too excited about telling you about joulupukki (Santa) and getting presents.

You sleep in our bed on most nights. Yes, I can't believe that I am typing that. But as long as, we get to go to bed without you in our bed, we have learned to sleep with you as you come to our bed around 2 or 3 am. And it is slightly sweet to snuggle with you.

You take naps for 1.5-3 hours and your bed time is kind of late (close to 9). It is not my favorite thing, but I don't think there is much I can do about it since you are napping so well. If we skip a nap, then you are out by 7 pm.

You like Eerika quite a bit especially now that she is walking. However, it sometimes kills you when she just looks at you or touches you. It is so ironic as you lay on top of her without a second thought. You have learned to be little more careful with her as you ran around and she walks.

I love Saku. Thanks for being my little boy.

Love,
äiti