Eerika tells how it is

Written on Thursday 2/19/2015

I try but I just get frustrated. And when I get frustrated, the power in me says "be mean, be mean". Eerika tells me this as she sobs tired tears in her bed. I had calmly explained to her that she shouldn't bug Saku and when she gets mad, she shouldn't yell and throw things (legos in this case).

In her four year old articulate way, she is so right. When you get frustrated it is so easy to get mean. I am not talking calling names-spanking-mean, but sharp voices and impatient words. Fortunately tonight my inner calmness won and I don't have to go to bed with a guilty feeling of being mean and short-tempered.

Last night I had a girls' night with Steph, Cristy and Natalie and I came home so rejuvenated. I felt understood as we talked about the stressor of motherhood. I got to be brutally honest, yet not worry about being judged or pitied. It was an amazing gift. Troy could tell the difference right away when I got home.

Today was full of wonderful things. A morning nap of 1 hr and 20 minutes for Aleksi. Eerika and I reading a pile of books. Eerika and I unloading the dishwasher together. Eerika and I playing little girl. Eerika arranging Rummikub tiles during her quit time. Play date with the Copelands. Tacos for dinner and the kids ate them happily. Aleksi being social and happy all day. 

And then bedtime came about and everyone was a bit tired. Aleksi would just cry and cry and cry. So unusual. i can pretty much all the time console him. Nothing I did work. So he cried in my arms. He cried in his crib for a bit while I took care of the older kids. And we walked and he cried. I patted and he cried. Finally he calmed down in a bouncer with vibration on. And that's where he is sleeping now.  He has never once slept there, but I had to get creative. 

Troy had to work late. That is hard for him. He knows that it is hard for me so I am sure he feels bad. I am sure he feels stressed. 

This amazing life is mine. It is hard. It is full of little moments of happiness. And little moments of fighting the "mean" within you. 

Brothers' story time

This is the look ALeksi gets when he is staring at the camera

Saku's School Work

We had Saku's parent-teacher conference in the middle of February. It was good to talk to Mrs. Bohnsack and Ms. Hu even though I have felt very good about Saku's progress. 

He really likes school. He had a cough few weeks ago and we kept him home for a day. The next day he really wanted to go and coughs can last forever, so we decided to take him to school. However, I got a call two hours later from the health aid informing me that Saku wasn't feeling good. He had told her "I just really love school".

It was cool to see how much he has learned since July plus it was fun to see how his mind works when they do their in-class assignments. 

Ms Hu asked Saku the time in Mandarin and Saku responded. Saku also read part of a story in Mandarin. He got pretty shy as he was put on the spot, which did not surprise me. 

This first year of school has been fantastic for Saku. 

"Dear Mackana C, I have a stoft jet. it is a Blue anjl. You frend Saku.  lDear McKenna C, I have a stuffed jet. It is a blue angel. Your friend Saku"

"If Santa was stuk in my chimney I would go throw his sac and take owl the presents for me and help him and say mary cristmas and tace one of his reindeer"-If Santa was stuck in my chimney, I would go through his sack and take all the presents for me and help him and say merry Christmas and take one of his reindeer.

"my favrot part is wen the mitton explotede!!!!" My favorite part is when the mitten exploded!!!!

"I am going to be a arcanolisist, I have make a hol. I have a rumot control car. it is fast. " I am going to be a archaeologist. I have made a hole. I have a remote control car. It is fast. January 2015

"I like sokr. I was a star. I was so cood that I good block a ball that was going 11 mph."

"I think the little girl eat that jinjerbreab bear" I think the little girl eat that gingerbread bear.

"I'm going to make my gingerbread cookie first I would eat its legs" December 2014

I am going to be a ninjo for the fall festeal" I'm going to be a ninja for the fall festival. October 2014

"Mawhtn has" Mountain house September 2014

July 2014

Weekly updates

Right now all of our upstairs bedrooms are taken. Saku and Eerika don't share a room anymore and they love having their own space. Aleksi obviously has his own room as he likes to have frequent visits from Troy and I at night and we wouldn't want to disrupt the older kids' sleep. The kids shared a room for a long time because it worked but I think they both needed their own space and clear boundaries when they bug each other. Or should I say when Eerika bugs Saku or when Saku gets a bit bossy and Eerika doesn't receive the bossing around well. 

Eerika likes to clean. We happily cleaned/organized for an hour today and it really was her idea of fun. 

Saku can read Panda Bear, Panda Bear, What do you see in Chinese. Super cool. We also heard him speak Chinese to Ms Hu during parent teacher conference and he can tell time in Chinese. So cool. 

Today her read a chapter book on our way home from school so he could have his reading done. And he didn't complain a bit. I think he is finally enjoying the independent reading because he now knows that he can read. There are many one or two words each time that he can't sound out, but I would say that the kid is a completely fluent reader and he reads at a good pace. 

Saku was introduced to Settlers and Ticket to Ride. 

Eerika knows her numbers well enough to play war. I think she knows all her ABCs as well. 

Aleksi continues to be the happiest baby during the day. And we are averaging about 5-7 wake ups during his 12 hour night time sleep. He loves to get your attention so he might fuss a bit and then you look at him and smile and he is all charm and giggles. 

For the record, Troy continues to be awesome about night time wakings. 

Erika is finally phasing out naps. I think our whole family benefits from early bed times right now, so I didn't want her to be up until 9 pm after taking a nap. Two days into it, she is doing well. She is an adaptable girl. 

Isi:"Eerika if you don't set the table, you can't eat"

Eerika:"Do you want me to die?"

On the way from school pick up as Aleksi was ready for his nap and started to cry.

Saku:"Why is Aleksi so dramatic?"

Saku: "He needs to learn patience"

Äiti:"Saku, what makes you happy"

Saku:"Spending time together"

Äiti: "What do you like to do together"

Saku: "chat"

"Zane and I are BFFs. it means best friends forever"

Pink and Sparkly

Eerika had a Pink and Sparkly Birthday Party. We tried to keep it simple, so she invited six of her friends and two big brothers tagged along.  Eerika chose her guests and she invited 

Ella, Julia, Layla, Amber, Genevieve and Brad.

James and Zane tagged along to hang out with Saku, plus I didn't want them to feel left out.

Menu was simple: corn dogs, strawberries, apples and cookies that they decorated.

We played pin the tail on the pony, colored, painted nails pink and sparkly and decorated cookies. And then we hid their goody bags.

Erika is already planning her next party: she wants it to be yellow next time.

Of course we had to have a PINK crown cake. 

Grandma and Grandpa drove down just for her party. They were here less than 24 hours. I am so touched by their love for Eerika. 

Tuesday night:

I am so grateful right now. It has been emotionally challenging for me lately. I don't think it is quite postpartum depression but I have very much internalized Aleksi's irregular naps and sleep schedule as my failure. It might be ridiculous but when you are feeling something, you can't rationalize it away. So not only do I deal with sleep deprivation and worrying about if Aleksi is getting enough to sleep, but I also feel very emotionally responsible for it. I should say that he is not the worst sleeper in any way, we are up max four times a night, but he was such a good little sleeper when he was a newborn that I feel like we should be getting more sleep now. 

Today each of his naps was over an hour: I was so thrilled that he slept 1 hr and 15 minutes, 1 hr and 30 minutes and then 1 hr and 15 minutes plus a 40 minute nap that I had to wake him up from to make sure he would go to bed.  I couldn't believe it. There was so little crying. There were a lots of hugs and chubby leg squeezing. There was patience and happiness to be shared with everyone. There was park time and sunshine.

Wednesday afternoon:

I stopped typing because Troy came home from mutual and I wanted some time with him. We actually sat down and watch a TV show. I watch plenty of netflix in 10 minute intervals as I nurse or if I am "stuck" holding Aleksi while he sleeps, but we haven't had a chance to watch a show together for  a long time. By the time everything settles down in the evening, a 45 minute show is too much of a commitment for me as I feel like I need to be in bed by 10 pm to protect my sleep and sanity.
Last night we snuggled and watched Bones. We really lived on the edge and after reading scriptures, it was 10:30sh when I turned the light off and told Troy "don't talk me to me, I need sleep". It was all very friendly and loving, but I knew that I couldn't push my luck too much.

I just spoke with dad on FaceTime and he told me that he had fasted for me yesterday. I felt so grateful and so strongly the fact that Heavenly Father answered his fast. I didn't know that he had fasted for me and yesterday was just an amazing day. Very ordinary but amazing. What a testimony builder.

The Gift of Being with Saku and Eerika

Today Troy gave me a gift. A gift of just being with the older kids. I pumped for each feeding so Aleksi could eat, plus we gave few ounces of formula, and I was free to be with the older kids.

A day without worrying about Aleksi's naps, which is a stressor for me at the moment. A day where I could be with the older kids and know that I could give them 100% of my attention. I truly feel so much more energized.

Eerika and I attempted to go to the Wild Life Museum. We drove there while we chatting and listening to music and found the place closed for a private function. Few tears were shed by her, and then she was back to her usual resilient self and we ate lunch on the bridge in front of the museum. We explore the grounds where there are turtles and frogs and fishes in a pond and played in the fountain.

I could tell that Eerika wasn't feeling so good, but she kept going and having a good attitude. We stopped by Baskin and Robins on the way home and she enjoyed a scoop of  "icing on the cake" flavor. 

When we got home, she had 101.4 fever and she was promptly planted in front of the TV so she could just relax.

Then it was Saku's turn to go on a  special date with me. He chose to go to the skateboard park. While this wasn't as much of a interactive date with him and I. I just sat there without being distracted by phone, or the other kids and enjoyed watching him try new tricks. I loved watching him crash and get up. I loved watching him talk to the other kids and checking out their tricks. I loved seeing him be confident and brave.  I think he could tell that I was watching him and I like to think that the fact that each time he looked over at me, I was smiling and waving rather than doing something else, made him feel important as he should.

Saku's treat was a frozen yogurt: some Samoe and some Oreos plus bunch of gummy candies, oreos and chocolate raisins on top. Because he is a very sensible boy, he gave me some of the last spoonfuls as he said that he had had enough of sweets.

Then it was Saku's turn to go on a  special date with me. He chose to go to the skateboard park. While this wasn't as much of a interactive date with him and I. I just sat there without being distracted by phone, or the other kids and enjoyed watching him try new tricks. I loved watching him crash and get up. I loved watching him talk to the other kids and checking out their tricks. I loved seeing him be confident and brave.  I think he could tell that I was watching him and I like to think that the fact that each time he looked over at me, I was smiling and waving rather than doing something else, made him feel important as he should.

Saku's treat was a frozen yogurt: some Samoe and some Oreos plus bunch of gummy candies, oreos and chocolate raisins on top. Because he is a very sensible boy, he gave me some of the last spoonfuls as he said that he had had enough of sweets.

Aleksi spent the whole day without me. It was strange, yet it took away some of the load that I had been feeling. It is hard to be so needed all the time by so many. So Troy did everything. Troy witnessed Aleksi's first real laugh as a response to "peek-a-boo" and taught Aleksi how to hold his bottle.

Plus I think Troy got to see a different side of Aleksi as I wasn't meddling with them:)