Tuesday night:
I am so grateful right now. It has been emotionally challenging for me lately. I don't think it is quite postpartum depression but I have very much internalized Aleksi's irregular naps and sleep schedule as my failure. It might be ridiculous but when you are feeling something, you can't rationalize it away. So not only do I deal with sleep deprivation and worrying about if Aleksi is getting enough to sleep, but I also feel very emotionally responsible for it. I should say that he is not the worst sleeper in any way, we are up max four times a night, but he was such a good little sleeper when he was a newborn that I feel like we should be getting more sleep now.
I am so grateful right now. It has been emotionally challenging for me lately. I don't think it is quite postpartum depression but I have very much internalized Aleksi's irregular naps and sleep schedule as my failure. It might be ridiculous but when you are feeling something, you can't rationalize it away. So not only do I deal with sleep deprivation and worrying about if Aleksi is getting enough to sleep, but I also feel very emotionally responsible for it. I should say that he is not the worst sleeper in any way, we are up max four times a night, but he was such a good little sleeper when he was a newborn that I feel like we should be getting more sleep now.
Today each of his naps was over an hour: I was so thrilled that he slept 1 hr and 15 minutes, 1 hr and 30 minutes and then 1 hr and 15 minutes plus a 40 minute nap that I had to wake him up from to make sure he would go to bed. I couldn't believe it. There was so little crying. There were a lots of hugs and chubby leg squeezing. There was patience and happiness to be shared with everyone. There was park time and sunshine.
Wednesday afternoon:
I stopped typing because Troy came home from mutual and I wanted some time with him. We actually sat down and watch a TV show. I watch plenty of netflix in 10 minute intervals as I nurse or if I am "stuck" holding Aleksi while he sleeps, but we haven't had a chance to watch a show together for a long time. By the time everything settles down in the evening, a 45 minute show is too much of a commitment for me as I feel like I need to be in bed by 10 pm to protect my sleep and sanity.
Last night we snuggled and watched Bones. We really lived on the edge and after reading scriptures, it was 10:30sh when I turned the light off and told Troy "don't talk me to me, I need sleep". It was all very friendly and loving, but I knew that I couldn't push my luck too much.
I just spoke with dad on FaceTime and he told me that he had fasted for me yesterday. I felt so grateful and so strongly the fact that Heavenly Father answered his fast. I didn't know that he had fasted for me and yesterday was just an amazing day. Very ordinary but amazing. What a testimony builder.
Wednesday afternoon:
I stopped typing because Troy came home from mutual and I wanted some time with him. We actually sat down and watch a TV show. I watch plenty of netflix in 10 minute intervals as I nurse or if I am "stuck" holding Aleksi while he sleeps, but we haven't had a chance to watch a show together for a long time. By the time everything settles down in the evening, a 45 minute show is too much of a commitment for me as I feel like I need to be in bed by 10 pm to protect my sleep and sanity.
Last night we snuggled and watched Bones. We really lived on the edge and after reading scriptures, it was 10:30sh when I turned the light off and told Troy "don't talk me to me, I need sleep". It was all very friendly and loving, but I knew that I couldn't push my luck too much.
I just spoke with dad on FaceTime and he told me that he had fasted for me yesterday. I felt so grateful and so strongly the fact that Heavenly Father answered his fast. I didn't know that he had fasted for me and yesterday was just an amazing day. Very ordinary but amazing. What a testimony builder.
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