Many prayers

I have much need for improvement when it comes to saying my prayers. However, I say a prayer, without a fail, each time I go to work. I want to make sure that I am not working "alone" as I take care of my patients. I hope that my patients will not be "worse off" because they have a nurse who only works few days a month. I pray that I might be sensitive to the Holy Ghost so it can prompt me to notice changes and have the confidence to act when needed.

During my most recent shift, I said multiple prayers. I prayed for comfort and guidance and reassurance. It was a tough assignment. I only had three patients which is a great ratio as I usually take care of five patients; however, it meant that my patients were sicker and needed more of my time and skills.

Patient#1: She is a middle aged lady who has been on and off our unit for the past 20 months. Her enemy is cervical cancer and it has reached a point where there is nothing that can be done. She is dying. I have taken care of her multiple times as her status as improved and then declined, improved again and declined. As her nurse, I need to face her husband who is devastated. As her nurse, I hope that she is still breathing each time I walk into her room. As her nurse, I try to take tender and good care of her while I watch her in pain and slowly getting worse and worse. I watch her and I imagine my own mom as cancer was attacking her body and I am grateful that she didn't endure months of pain and slow decline. I wonder how caring and tender her nurses were.

Patient#2: A sweet guy with a tongue cancer who required four surgeries in four consecutive days. He has a tracheostomy to allow him to breath so he can't talk. He patiently writes on the white board to communicate. He cant eat and he has been in the hospital for two weeks, and expecting to stay another week. I marvel at his enduring patience and kindness. I had a nervousness of his trach the whole night.

Patient#3: A domestic violence case. It was my very first one. She came in with multiple injuries and a long history of abuse. I saw her physical bruises and scars, but knew that her emotional ones were much deeper and more difficult to heal. I wondered how to be professional yet show empathy and kindness. How to ask questions without sounding judgmental. How to show support and be present without exhausting her with my presence.

All the patients were fine throughout the night and I was grateful for that. I came home so humbled and grateful for the fact that I have this job and the flexible schedule.

And I am so grateful for Troy who supports me in my decision to work.