Why Three Kids is Hard for Me

I think I have pinpointed what makes three kids hard for me. Or maybe I should say a little baby and two other kids. I feel like I just don't get to spend quality time with any of them. Though it is mostly the older kids that I miss the time with. Since Eerika and Saku play so nicely together, I can often hold Aleksi and they don't even notice my lack of attention towards them. However, as a six week old baby requires so much time from me, I feel like I am constantly telling Saku or Eerika "hold on, I will go and lay Aleksi down" "I will quickly feed him/change his diaper" or I am pacing around if he gets fussy rather than sitting down and coloring/reading/playing with them.

I know it is a phase and most likely a phase that the older kids won't even really remember as the time when I didn't get to spend as much time with them. They still love Aleksi and so affectionally want to  touch him/kiss him/hug him/be in his face. Only once has Eerika seemed frustrated by the fact that Aleksi woke up in the middle of our game, but he continued to sleep on my lap while we played so she got over it quickly.

Oh and dinner time is hard with three kids. Or again with a baby and two older kids.  I really don't feel that it is the number of kids necessarily but the newborn. 

Aleksi really is a very calm and easy going baby. However, he isn't a baby who is okay to left in the swing or a bouncer for a really long time. He wants to be with me and then he just stares at me happily as I hold him. This is fine if I had a cook, but that hasn't happened yet, so as I make dinner in the evenings with one hand and try to have the older kids take care of their things (homework, setting the table etc), the stress can really creep into my head. Plus I feel like I am more hurried and I do more nagging lately, which I hate the words when they come out of my mouth, but I am not sure exactly how to stop them.

Yesterday was a great day. Aleksi took a great nap so Eerika and I ate lunch together uninterrupted, we read books and we played her favorite pretend game. I got to focus on her for two full hours without having to go and do something else. She went to play with Genevieve while I picked up Saku so in the car from school, I just focused on Saku as Aleksi continued to sleep. He slept for almost four hours in spite of being moved to the car and out of the car three times.

We also enjoyed a story time all snuggled together. Aleksi on my lap facing the book and Saku and Eerika on my sides. Dinner was made without an incident and consumed in a happy manner. Troy was home so he put the older kids to bed while I put Aleksi to bed. Alexis fell asleep on his own without a beep and the older kids stayed in their beds. I ran a mile on the treadmill, and Troy and I got to spend quality time together before I fell asleep at 10 pm. 

I know yesterday was an answer to a prayer as I just felt like I wasn't cut out to be a mother of three. I had emailed dad and asked for his prayers as well and I know he prayed for me and I know all of our prayers were answered.

So no matter what today brings as it is 6 am and I need to get Saku ready for school, I have a great day in my recent memory that will give the mental strength when I feel like I am not "performing" well enough.