I have obviously established the fact that sleeping can be battle in our house. Well, not for all of us since Troy sleeps just fine;) He can sleep through almost anything, but he is a sweetheart and so willing to help out once I wake him up. However, I don't want my journaling or blogging to be the account of successful and unsuccessful nights because that is only one part of being Saku's mom.
On Monday night I was looking at my sleeping son and I told myself that I really needed to embrace my role as a mother and not get too stuck on the daily routines. I was holding Saku and listening to his breathing and I thought of how 24 years ago, my mom was holding me and probably going through many of the same things that I am going through. Just like myself, she did not have the opportunity to ask questions from her mom or share the little successes and daily triumphs with her mom because her mom chose not to be part of my mom's life.
When I left for college, my mom wrote me a letter and told me that I taught her how to be a mother since I was her first baby. Now Saku is teaching me how to be a mother. I miss my mother and it breaks my heart that Saku does not get to know her in this life. They say that babies can recognize their moms by their smell. When I close my eyes, I can remember the scent of my mom's skin and how soft her skin felt when I hugged her.
While I find motherhood very challenging, I am amazed how easy it is at the same time. How easy it is to love someone so much. How easy it is to forget the exhaustion you feel when I hold him close to me and I know he is mine, not just for this life, but for all eternity. How I seem to be able to find patience in situations where I normally would get frustrated or upset.
Motherhood is easy because...
I get to see this cute smile multiple times a day. Sometimes I have to tickle and make ridiculous sounds to see the smile and sometimes he just looks at me and smiles. He smiles at me because he knows that I am his mom.
I get to enjoy his silly faces and learn more and more about his personality every day. I get to give him kisses and he pushes his tongue out when I kiss him on his lips.
I get to share the excitement of simple things such as lifting his head up little higher than the day before. I get to listen to the snorty sounds he makes as he tries to push himself forward and I have to rescue him when he moves his body forward and his hands get stuck underneath him.
I get to be a mom of a healthy little boy who seems so strong both in body and spirit.
4 comments:
Your post brought tears to my eyes. You always express the feeling of being a mother so beautifully-I love that about your blog. Saku is lucky to have parents that love him so much! :)
I know that you are just a wonderful mom!
This post makes me wish my little guy were here already.
So sweet! Thanks for making me cry :)! If it makes you feel any better, I truly believe it gets better, as far as the sleeping goes. I remember hearing everyone tell me about this and that that worked and how theirs were sleeping through the night at 6 weeks or 3 months... Beckett didn't catch on so quickly, but he is doing much better now... Just in time to bring another little one into the house and loose all the sleep again :)!!!! Well its worth it, just like you said! Thanks for all your thoughts and musings on life as a mother! You are remarkable Eevi!!!
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